Avoiding premature ejaculation is not just about giving enjoyment to the woman, however. Finding out how you can last longer in bed can ensure that as a man you feel happier about yourself, more confident and sexy; it also means you’ll have a happy partner in your life. This is because the majority of women crave the intimacy and connection of extended lovemaking.

All of this makes a powerful case for learning the art of ejaculation control. The average duration of intercourse turns out to be around three minutes, but lovemaking that lasts for so short a time will not satisfy most women.  

Even so, it can be a challenge to deal with premature ejaculation. Wrapped up in the excitement and arousal of making love, all the good intentions which a man may have before he gets into bed are likely to go out of the window quite quickly, and a cycle of rapid ejaculation and low self- esteem can develop.

Despite that, with the right strategy, the vast majority of men find they can significantly enhance their performance in bed and become longer 100 % committed to last longer while having sex.  Remember, though, the good feelings which come with a powerful orgasm and ejaculation can be so powerful – making you forget your efforts to control your climax – that getting your head in the right place is essential: if you don’t want to last longer for your own pleasure, do it for your partner’s sake, because when she’s happier in bed your whole relationship will improve dramatically.  

The second step in extending your staying power is learning to be relaxed during intercourse. When your muscles are tense you’re almost certainly going to ejaculate more quickly than you would if you were more relaxed. One way that you can prove this to yourself is to make love in the man on top position and then to try sex with the woman on top. In the first case you’re much more tense, and you’re likely to ejaculate much more quickly. You can help void tension – and so premature ejaculation - by being aware of the rhythm and pace of sexual intercourse. Every time you find your breathing is quick and shallow, take a deep breath, pause, and develop or re-establish a slower rhythm. 

You should always strive to develop greater sensitivity to your body at the approach of orgasm. When you become more aware of your level of arousal, it is possible to slow down or stop the tempo of lovemaking until your arousal has decreased. The simplest way to learn how to do this is to practice during masturbatory self pleasuring – use ample amounts of a good lubricant like jojoba oil and allow yourself plenty of time. Repeatedly masturbate yourself to the point where you feel you might reach orgasm, but stop before you actually ejaculate. It won’t be long before you find you have much greater ability to maintain a high level of arousal without ejaculating. No matter how rapidly you reach the point of orgasm when you start this exercise, keep going, keep bringing yourself to the point of orgasm in backing off . Use self-discipline so you don’t ejaculate, and you’ll rapidly find that you can take more stimulation without ejaculating. 

You need to try to stimulate yourself more or less continually for up to a whole hour without ejaculating; take care to notice how it feels in your body when you approach orgasm. That’s essential knowledge, because when you’re making love you need to know how turned on you are – and your body can tell you. Most men who try this rapidly discover that they can last for at least 20 – 30 minutes during sex without any difficulty. You can then use a similar technique when you’re actually making love to your partner to increase your staying power even further.

Most men get PE at least once in their sexually active lifetime. Every man has his average duration for making love, and every man, and couple, have their own expectations, so it is difficult to say what is ‘premature’ and what is normal. Studies show that there is an average ‘intra-vaginal ejaculation latency time’ (IELT) of six and a half minutes. This suggests that any time below 2 minutes is abnormal. But it is possible that some men with low IELTs could be OK with it and don’t complain. Also men with high IELTs could be unhappy with it and could even benefit from treatment to avoid premature ejaculation.

This is how ejaculation works. First, the emission phase puts seminal fluid from the seminal vesicles into the posterior urethra. Next is the expulsion phase which includes closure of bladder neck, followed by the regular muscle contractions. The neurotransmitter serotonin is vital in ejaculation control, so low levels of serotonin in the brain may possibly be a causative factor in PE. This means PE can, at least in theory, be avoided by using certain prescription drugs (SSRIs) which increase serotonin levels.

Several areas of the brain are known to be involved in ejaculatory control, which tells us there may be a genetic link to certain forms of PE. One study showed that 91% of men who have always had PE had a near relative with the condition. If PE is caused by neurological issues, simple exercises prescribed by sex therapists can do the trick, but if that fails, medications can help as suggested above.

When it comes to diagnosis and cure, the clinician should take into account the individual’s age, sexual experience, recent sexual activity, and the relationship with the partner. The clinician should also ask if substance use is a factor in the man’s life. It is important to look at the general medical condition, with particular reference to the patient’s sexual history, ejaculation control and any dissatisfaction felt by patient or partner.

PE is not the same as erectile dysfunction although the two can go together as almost half of men with PE have erectile dysfunction as well. Some men with erectile dysfunction tend to omit strategies for delaying orgasm, while others require longer foreplay to develop a proper erection. Sometimes sexual arousal can be so high that ejaculation occurs immediately. Please note that occasional climaxing problems that don’t persist do not count for the diagnosis of premature ejaculation.

What I’m going to say in this article may not make me the most popular man around. But I think it’s important to talk about this reality that impacts our lives in many ways.

Porn has never been so easy and quick to have access to. It’s hard to avoid, convenient to obtain, and it’s always there when we want it. Porn is mainstream today…

Don’t worry…I’m not here to say that porn is bad and we should all avoid it. But I do believe it’s adversely influencing the sex life of a lot of people, and maybe you should consider stopping using it, so as to avoid premature ejaculation.

I also think all men should be aware of the possible effects of porn on their sexual experience and performance, especially around premature ejaculation.

Here are 3 ways porn may make you a bad lover.

Have you forgotten foreplay?

Porn is made for men. It’s visual and right to the point. Very rarely do you see any foreplay. But that’s such an important aspect of making love. While men are able to get turned on very quickly by a visual stimulus, women need more time in order to cultivate their sexual arousal before being ready for more. Setting up the mood slowly is often necessary for a woman to experience great sex.

Very rarely do you see any kissing, touching and caressing in porn. But this is an important aspect of being a great lover…because women love it. Men too should enjoy this part of making love. It’s all about building up desire more and more until both lovers can’t wait to have sex.

Take your time…who’s in a rush? Avoid quick lovemaking, and you’ll be half way to knowing how to avoid premature ejaculation.

Are you lasting long enough?

When you are masturbating while watching porn, you are actually training your body and your mind to ejaculate quickly. Porn is made specially to excite men. So no surprise it makes us come quickly. Let’s face it, watching porn is usually a race to the finish.

It’s then difficult to take our time and control our arousal when we are having sex with a partner. The body has got accustomed to ejaculating quickly; and men learn to surrender to the urge to ejaculate as soon as it develops. As you know, avoiding premature ejaculation is all about learning to live & make love with that urge for longer before you come.

When you are watching porn, your focus is on something outside of you, and you are focusing on the visuals only. In order to last as long as you and your partner want in bed, in order to be in control of your arousal level at all times, you need to be aware of all the sensations in your body. You need to avoid focusing on one small area of arousal that may cause premature ejaculation.

While it might be premature to say that your tendency to rapid ejaculation is directly related to how much porn you watch, it’s most likely that masturbating while watching porn is not going to help you last a long time in bed.

Are you really satisfying your woman?

What does it take to satisfy a woman sexually? Giving her an orgasm is one answer, but probably not the best one.

Sure, orgasm is a great thing but a woman can be satisfied even if she doesn’t have an orgasm every time she has sex. And conversely, a woman who has regular orgasms may not be fully satisfied. And, as you may already know, while some women may avoid premature ejaculation – or, rather, men who can’t control their ejaculation – like the plague, others are perfectly happy provided they have lots of intimate connection with their lovers.

A woman needs to feel deep intimacy to feel completely satisfied, she needs to connect with her lover deeply. How do you do that? Giving enough time and attention to foreplay is a good place to start. Making love to her long enough because you can control your arousal is great too.

But if you want to truly be a great lover, you need to also pay attention to what happens AFTER you make love to your partner.

When both partners really connected, when they trusted each other enough to open up, when they both shared sexual tension and desire, time together after sex is a place of vulnerability.

A lot of men are not comfortable with that. They get up to go to the bathroom, they light up a cigarette – anything to change the mood and avoid post-ejaculation tenderness. But while the post-sex connection may be a time of vulnerability, it’s also perfect to create a deep intimate connection with your partner. Stay close to her, caress her, kiss her, talk to her and stay present, in the moment.

Stay there with her for a while after sex and your woman will feel closer to you than ever. The level of intimacy she craves will be fully satisfied. That, my friend, is being a great lover, not just knowing how to avoid premature ejaculation.

These are just some of the ways porn might be messing up your sex life. So my suggestion is, leave the laptop closed once in a while and reconnect with your partner. Remember how great it is to take your time.

Tony Bonacci teaches men how to last longer in bed and how to be better lovers. You can learn more about Tony and his work here.

Premature ejaculation can deplete your sexual energy reserves, and it certainly does not make you feel good; with ejaculatory control will come multiple orgasms, sexual energy flowing freely between you and your partner, amd extraordinary staying power.

Some men are naturally gifted with immense erotic energy, great sensitivity and a high degree of mental control. This can lead to non-ejaculatory orgasm after just a few weeks of ejaculation control; other men take longer.

To control your sexual energy and to avoid ejaculation, premature or otherwise, breathe as deeply as you can in a relaxed way. Breathing is thought to be an involuntary act, but it can be conscious, too; we breathe without thinking until we change the natural rhythm of our breath. Breathing slowly can slow down the heart and fast breathing can speed it up.

During sex, when you approach ejaculation, your heart speeds up tremendously. Slowing down your breath slows down your heart, taking you away from the danger of ejaculation occurring before you wish it to happen.

 Most people breathe superficially at the level of the thorax – this leads to  poor oxygenation of the lungs. Abdominal breathing fills our lungs with air; we can do this by choice, and when we are happy and we laugh, we breathe abdominally. And it’s a crucial part of avoiding premature ejaculation!

Inhale through your nose and feel how the lower part of your abdomen becomes filled with air, so that your navel is pushed outwards. Your diaphragm will go down.

Exhale forcefully through your mouth, so that the lower part of your abdomen is pulled back, as if you want to move your navel towards your spine. You can feel how your penis and testicles are drawn upwards.

A few minutes of abdominal breathing every day will make your body breathe deeply automatically, naturally, even as you sleep. And as I said, for a man to know how to avoid premature ejaculation, this type of breathing is essential. It also expands the erotic sensations through your entire body.

Once you can avoid ejaculation your breathing exercises will help the sexual energy circulate throughout your body. Then it can be transformed into loving mental and powerful spiritual energy. Further, abdominal breathing relieves the pressure most men experience in the pelvis when they are avoiding premature ejaculation. (All beginners at sexual continence, who avoid orgasm, feel this accumulation of sexual energy in the pelvic area. The energy needs to be disspated to avoid irritability, confusion, and edginess.)

If you want very concrete techniques to overcome ejaculation without control and simple exercises set out in a step by step guide I recommend Ejaculation By Command for more information and techniques. This is all about avoiding loss of ejaculation control and for a man who wants to learn how to last longer in bed, avoiding rapid ejaculation in the process, it is an excellent place to start.

Squeeze your pelvic floor muscles, that is to say the muscles around the scrotum, penis and anus every time you become too excited or aroused; if you aren’t sure which muscles to contract,  practice interrupting your urine stream in the bathroom. This will show you how to avoid premature ejaculation.

Perineum Pressure

Pressing on the perineum, or rather the little dimple in the perineum, located midway between your scrotum and anus, can reduce your urge to ejaculate because this is over the prostate gland and pressure on the prostate makes it less urgent that you ejaculate. Your sexual partner can do this for you to help you avoid ejaculating!

Testicles Pull

When a man approaches orgasm his scrotum rises up closer to his body, but the truth is that (unlike the rumours that fly around), you simply cannot avoid premature ejaculation by pulling your testicles down in the scrotum.

Penis Tip Squeeze

However it is true that squeezing your penis just beneath the glans can stop approaching ejaculation. As you can imagine, you have to come out of your partner’s vagina but you can practice on your own while masturbating.

Passion Pump

When you squeeze your PC muscles, and at the same time roll your eyes upward, while simultaneously touching your tongue to the roof of your mouth behind your top front teeth, you can also imagine your sexual energy passing up through your body. You must also use deep breathing techniques to “blow” the energy around your body.  This is one of the most effective ways of delaying ejaculation. It’s a Taoist technique that circulates your sexual energy rather than having it remain locked in your genital region.

It is simpler to avoid premature ejaculation by moving your sexual energy throughout your body rather than by struggling to avoid ejaculating. You can pause in your sexual thrusting, relax, and breathe deeply and slowly until your arousal has decreased and you can once again avoid ejaculating.

You and Your Prostate Gland

When you practice overcoming ejaculation it is very important to ensure the prostate gland doesn’t become sore. You can do a massage which prevents this by pressing on the perineum, where you will be able to feel the prostate as a walnut shape. try massaging it in a clockwise motion, using a piece of silk to reduce friction on the perineum.

Thrusting Technique

Enjoy a combination of deep and shallow thrusts; 1.5 to 2 inches inside your partner for shallow thrusts, and as deep as you can for deep thrusts. The most sensitive part of a woman’s vagina is the outer two inches…… so what you do is to enjoy a series of nine ly quick shallow thrusts followed by a single slow deep thrust. The shallow thrusts will effectively stimulate sensitive vaginal tissues around the G spot and create a vacuum that makes her eagerly anticipate the deep thrust which comes next. As for ejaculation, well, the shallow thrusts arouse you much less, so you avoid ejaculating prematurely.

Mind over Muscle

By squeezing your PC muscle you can gradually discern each separate muscle group and then you will be able to contract or relax them at will. Initially, tightening your PC muscle will make everything will contract at once. As you practice,  you will find you can tighten your anus without moving your penis or scrotum, or tighten your scrotum without contractng your anus….or twitch your erect cock while everything else stays relaxed.

If you practice enough, you can develop these skills to the point where your smooth genital muscles will relax on command, sending sexual energy into your partner through eye contact, projection, during intercourse, or just touching. Becoming aware of your smooth muscles and gaining mastery over them means you can keep them relaxed, which in turn enables blood to flow into the penis almost indefinitely.

This isn’t just avoiding premature ejaculation, it’s delaying ejaculation indefinitely, so that  so you can satisfy even the most demanding partner….and getting control over the smooth muscles in your pelvis will let you maintain peak arousal for long enough to experience whole body orgasms.

In a whole body orgasm you become a  erogenous zone, reaching orgasm through touch anywhere on the body, no matter how aroused, excited, or turned on you are.

You can avoid premature ejaculation and enjoy whole body orgasms by simply training yourself to stop thinking about ejaculation or how to avoid ejaculation. But don’t divert your attention from lovemaking because you need to be present all the time…..

Instead of thinking about about ejaculating too quickly, think about pleasing your partner, and also get pleasure yourself from knowing how to please your woman. So you will, for example, explore around her clitoris and notice how she reacts, but at the same time, be aware of how her clitoris feels on your tongue…….notice how her skin feels soft and war as you kiss her, notice how her breasts feel in your face as you suck her nipples…and so on…..

Keeping your attention on your partner, and whatever else is going on, will ensure you can avoid premature ejaculation and last a very long time… perhaps for hours. As you do so, the energy between you and your lover will mount to such a high level that your higher Chakras or spiritual centers may open….leading you to ecstasy, bliss, joy, and wonder. This is where delaying ejaculation can take you and your partner.