Is Porn Ruining Your Sex Life?
What I’m going to say in this article may not make me the most popular man around. But I think it’s important to talk about this reality that impacts our lives in many ways.
Porn has never been so easy and quick to have access to. It’s hard to avoid, convenient to obtain, and it’s always there when we want it. Porn is mainstream today…
Don’t worry…I’m not here to say that porn is bad and we should all avoid it. But I do believe it’s adversely influencing the sex life of a lot of people, and maybe you should consider stopping using it, so as to avoid premature ejaculation.
I also think all men should be aware of the possible effects of porn on their sexual experience and performance, especially around premature ejaculation.
Here are 3 ways porn may make you a bad lover.
Have you forgotten foreplay?
Porn is made for men. It’s visual and right to the point. Very rarely do you see any foreplay. But that’s such an important aspect of making love. While men are able to get turned on very quickly by a visual stimulus, women need more time in order to cultivate their sexual arousal before being ready for more. Setting up the mood slowly is often necessary for a woman to experience great sex.
Very rarely do you see any kissing, touching and caressing in porn. But this is an important aspect of being a great lover…because women love it. Men too should enjoy this part of making love. It’s all about building up desire more and more until both lovers can’t wait to have sex.
Take your time…who’s in a rush? Avoid quick lovemaking, and you’ll be half way to knowing how to avoid premature ejaculation.
Are you lasting long enough?
When you are masturbating while watching porn, you are actually training your body and your mind to ejaculate quickly. Porn is made specially to excite men. So no surprise it makes us come quickly. Let’s face it, watching porn is usually a race to the finish.
It’s then difficult to take our time and control our arousal when we are having sex with a partner. The body has got accustomed to ejaculating quickly; and men learn to surrender to the urge to ejaculate as soon as it develops. As you know, avoiding premature ejaculation is all about learning to live & make love with that urge for longer before you come.
When you are watching porn, your focus is on something outside of you, and you are focusing on the visuals only. In order to last as long as you and your partner want in bed, in order to be in control of your arousal level at all times, you need to be aware of all the sensations in your body. You need to avoid focusing on one small area of arousal that may cause premature ejaculation.
While it might be premature to say that your tendency to rapid ejaculation is directly related to how much porn you watch, it’s most likely that masturbating while watching porn is not going to help you last a long time in bed.
Are you really satisfying your woman?
What does it take to satisfy a woman sexually? Giving her an orgasm is one answer, but probably not the best one.
Sure, orgasm is a great thing but a woman can be satisfied even if she doesn’t have an orgasm every time she has sex. And conversely, a woman who has regular orgasms may not be fully satisfied. And, as you may already know, while some women may avoid premature ejaculation – or, rather, men who can’t control their ejaculation – like the plague, others are perfectly happy provided they have lots of intimate connection with their lovers.
A woman needs to feel deep intimacy to feel completely satisfied, she needs to connect with her lover deeply. How do you do that? Giving enough time and attention to foreplay is a good place to start. Making love to her long enough because you can control your arousal is great too.
But if you want to truly be a great lover, you need to also pay attention to what happens AFTER you make love to your partner.
When both partners really connected, when they trusted each other enough to open up, when they both shared sexual tension and desire, time together after sex is a place of vulnerability.
A lot of men are not comfortable with that. They get up to go to the bathroom, they light up a cigarette – anything to change the mood and avoid post-ejaculation tenderness. But while the post-sex connection may be a time of vulnerability, it’s also perfect to create a deep intimate connection with your partner. Stay close to her, caress her, kiss her, talk to her and stay present, in the moment.
Stay there with her for a while after sex and your woman will feel closer to you than ever. The level of intimacy she craves will be fully satisfied. That, my friend, is being a great lover, not just knowing how to avoid premature ejaculation.
These are just some of the ways porn might be messing up your sex life. So my suggestion is, leave the laptop closed once in a while and reconnect with your partner. Remember how great it is to take your time.
Tony Bonacci teaches men how to last longer in bed and how to be better lovers. You can learn more about Tony and his work here.